Thursday Thirteen #21 – If I was a Penguin

13 Things I’d Want If I Was a Penguin

1. A sexy little hot penguin mama that damn near melts the ice everywhere she goes!! With just the right curve of her beak… and a sexy waddle.. Yeah baby!! Didn’t I see that strut on the catwalk in Paris last spring?? Here.. let me impress you with this pebble I brought you… (Sorry… fantasizing a little there….)

2. Scope mouthwash. Two words… fish breath. Morty.. from two nests over.. could knock you down from 20 paces.

3. In fact… I’m a little tired of mackerel. Gotta have a microwave and a year’s supply of pot pies. None of that Mrs. Paul’s or Gortons crap though. Man that stuff is heinous!! I don’t think a fish stick actually is food… is it??

4. An Ipod and some heavy duty Metallica… anything to drown out all this damn honking!

5. Sunglasses and a couple of pairs of jeans. The formal look gets old after a while.

6. Rubbers, galoshes, boots… whatever. Can’t take three steps around here. Jeez.. You think stepping in cat shit is bad.. Whoa daddy!! (Note to self… Check L.L.Bean catalog to see if they carry quadruple EEEE widths..)

7. A snowmobile. Schlepping it back and forth 50 miles to the ocean… Oy Vey!!

8. A good personal lubricant that doesn’t turn to sludge at 40 below.

9. A hot tub. Just the thing for those gale force windy days. You stand on an ice shelf all day. I don’t care what they say… MY FEET ARE COLD!!! Oh, and… umbrella drinks would be nice.

10. A lifetime supply of Purina Polar Bear Chow. That oughta keep the hairy buggers off my ass. And, a lifetime supply of Vaseline. I chafe… (blush)… probably from constantly having to elude the damn bears!

11. An electric guitar. Goes well with the sunglasses and.. hey… I like to lay down a few licks now and again.

12. Internet porn. I’m a penguin… I ain’t dead. (Holy Popsicle sticks… Look at the cloaca on that little rockhopper would ya’!!)

13. Finally… a condo in Boca for the golden years. Didn’t think I was gonna freeze my flippers off around here forever DID YOU?? That’s just… Sadistic…!!

–Brought to you by Coffee Shop Bill


12 thoughts on “Thursday Thirteen #21 – If I was a Penguin

  1. Just what every penguin would want…..heck, just about anyone would want these things, except maybe the sexy girl penguin!!!
    Loved this list and thanks for stopping by mine!

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