Well friends, anyone who read “Buh-Bye, Basement Boy, Buh-Bye” will obviously understand one of the inspirations for this blog…..For those of you who don’t, I will enlighten y’all…..

Due to the recent acquisition of a rash fondly referred to as Basement Boy by my amigos, I have now realized how I totally needed to raise the standards for those of the male persuasion who wish to keep my company.  The worst part of gaining a loser is trying to get rid of it (much like an annoying mother-in-law) once you realize how painful he/she/it is.  

So here goes the top thirteen ways to lose your loser….

1.  Call him at 7:30 AM on Sunday morning and ask if he is ironing his shirt for Church services.

2.  Put him on speaker phone so your friends can mercilessly torment him.

3.  Blog about him, then send him the link.

4.  Have one of your friends answer the phone when he calls and say “No, dude…she is on her way to the clinic”.

5.  Ask him to wear your cheeky panties, and say it with a straight face.

6.  Tell him to call back when he can INTELLECTUALLY stimulate you.

7.  Tell him you are moving in with a girl….her back is less hairy and she knows how to treat a woman.

8.  Invite him over to watch Bridges Over Madison County, Circle of Friends, Au Revoir Les Enfants, Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pant, and several other girl movies  AND paint each others toenails.

9.  Make a photoshop image of the two of you merged to show him what your children will look like.

1o.  Make a wedding invitation and send one to his mother, then send her the bill for the printing.

11.  Ask him if he would like to have a threesome….with you and your new friend Tom….the guy from myspace.

12.  Tell him that the new night zoom lens you bought took great pictures of him.

13.  And finally…..ask him if he wouldn’t mind getting married….your sentencing is next week and you would like to have conjugal visits.

Much thanks to my dear friend Amanda, for without her, half of the brilliance of this blog post would have been impossible.

 

With thoughtful reflection,

Rebecca_Smith